Does Punishment Work?

Have you ever found yourself wondering if punishment really works? Well, the answer is—it depends. It depends on the kind of child you're hoping to raise.

If your goal is to raise a child who’s afraid of making mistakes—or even afraid of you—then yes, punishment can “work”, as it can stop the behaviour in the moment. But if you're hoping to raise a child who’s confident, reflective, and able to grow through challenges, then no—punishment doesn't support that journey. What truly helps children develop emotional resilience and empathy is something else entirely: connection, not control.

 

What helps children grow?

In Early Years, every conflict, frustration, or big emotion is also a learning opportunity. Children learn best when they feel safe, respected, and supported. When adults respond with empathy and consistency, they’re not just managing behaviour—they’re guiding children toward a deeper understanding of themselves and others.

Children learn what is acceptable, why it matters, and how their actions affect the people around them—not because they’re afraid of a consequence, but because they’ve made sense of the experience with a caring adult by their side.

 

What can we do instead of punishing?

·       Set boundaries with respect. Limits are important, but they don’t need to be harsh to be effective. Children respond to calm, consistent guidance that is delivered with kindness. A respectful “You can be upset, but you can’t hurt others” helps them feel seen while reinforcing the expectations.

·       Name the feelings, then problem-solve. Children often act out when they don’t have the words for what they feel. By helping them name their emotions—“You were angry when the blocks fell”—we give them the tools to understand and express themselves. Then, we guide them toward repair: “Let’s check if your friend is okay.”

·       Model reflection, not reaction. When adults respond with curiosity instead of control, they show children that mistakes are part of learning. Slowing down helps children learn to reflect on their actions instead of fearing punishment.

 

A shared commitment

At ISL Qatar, this approach is part of our shared commitment to nurturing confident, thoughtful learners. We believe children thrive when they are guided with empathy, when their voices are heard, and when relationships come first.

Because in the end, the real question isn’t “Does punishment work?” The real question is: “What kind of person are we helping to grow?”